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The Need To Be.............by David
Posted by ozzieblackcat at 7/26/2007 8:37 AM and is filed under fatigue,depression,self esteem,Loss,Anxiety 
On bad days when I try to get out and do something such as go to the store or ride my bike, I soon feel the need to get back to my appartment. Sometimes I cover the windows with my draped afgans and hybernate.
It feels almost like my identity is being absorbed when I am out and about. It takes a long while to feel better after I've returned home. It's a terrible feeling which I am sure
many people have.....low self esteem which can go even lower when around people. It seems like a loss of my self that leaves my physique grasping at anything just to feel better. I
will smoke more, eat a lot more, and be very restless.
I try to keep busy and also try to sleep as much as I can. It really does feel as if "I" don't exist.
It feels almost like my identity is being absorbed when I am out and about. It takes a long while to feel better after I've returned home. It's a terrible feeling which I am sure
many people have.....low self esteem which can go even lower when around people. It seems like a loss of my self that leaves my physique grasping at anything just to feel better. I
will smoke more, eat a lot more, and be very restless.
I try to keep busy and also try to sleep as much as I can. It really does feel as if "I" don't exist.
I know exactly what you mean Im always depressed and get anxiey ataacks quite often and like now I just found out I have a spine disease and in a few more months will not be able to get around on my won I will need an electric wheelchair so Im bloggin and trying to reach a goal to buy that chair I set up dogcents so I would not have to ask right out for donations if You go and see what it is about you will see anyway Im trying to get an electric wheelchair so I even set up a CHIP IN box on my blogs and ask for donations but as of yet no one has bothered to donate a penny and this really makes me sad and depressed because I see sites asking for doantions for dogs and people donate but I who am human and had to blog to ask because I could not even qualify for Payperpost if I had I could have made my own money and then here where I live I cant get help either so Im asking for doantions and hope someone people will open up their hearts and help me. At dogcents for a small donation I give a great blgo review and you can choose a dog on line a virtual dog and choose his name and his picture will be placed next to your review I thought it was a good idea but so far only one person has adopted a dog so you see why Im so upset and depressed? I guess Im telling you all this because of what you wrote I feel you understand. Anyway thanks for listening and do visit me again soon. God bless you
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hi LilyRuth
thankyou for replying to my article..
there has "got" to be some organization
that will provide you with an electric wheelchair or a greatly reduced price on one..please ask your church,family services,search online,something like "wheelchairs for the needy"try searching for those words.ask people,and as many places you can..there has to be some help somewhere,sincerely,David
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Hi David and LilyRuth,
Just wanted you both to know that I understand how you are feeling - I've been there in that hole. Never stop trying to climb out into the light - there's a great deal of help out there and the internet is a prime place to search for it and seek it out. I wish you both the best of peace and happiness. Hope you find the resources and friends that you deserve to have.
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I read your article and feel exactly as you do. People ask me on Monday when I go to work how my weekend was and I answer "Fine! How was yours?" If I told them the truth about my weekend I would have to say I didn't leave my apartment all weekend except to walk my dog. I start every weekend well intentioned and determined to get out and do something. But I don't. I haven't been to church in over a month, I have to drag myself to the grocery store. I wish someone would call and invite me to do something and at the same time dread being invited somewhere. I'm so depressed I don't feel like there is anything left of me. I've tried antidepressants and they just make me sleepy. That makes doing my job harder, I don't clean my apartment because I'm sleeping all the time and that becomes more depressing. I just feel dead inside. I wish I had an on/off switch so I could turn myself off for the weekend and evening until it's time to go back to work. I do feel comforted on some level knowing I am not the only person who has this kind of problem. Thank you for your article.
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I also feel the same. After leaving school a few years ago, i became a total seclude. I managed to get a job, but even then, around people, i would close up & people avoided me. When i got home, i would just go to my room, listening to music or on an online social group where i felt more accepted. I'm 19, and while i see all others my age going out, having great times, going to university, I'm stuck, unable to do anything. I wished to go to university too, but the social phobia changed that, and am now applying for home studying. I find i can't even leave the house and go into the village or town, the feeling of people watching, judging you..id have breakdowns when out, break into sweats etc. Now i use the social community 'second life' to try and find people i can talk to, but even there, i see my personality gets lower and lower & am finding it even harder to interact with people. I have tried anti depressants, but they don't seem to work, and am in such a position that i find it very hard to talk to anyone offering help. My family can't really offer any support, so i am stuck, with the feeling my life is pretty pointless. I recently finished my job, and am dreading finding a new one.. but anyway, I wish all you others the best
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hi Karen
thankyou for commenting on my article,I wish you felt better Karen,it took over a dozen medications before they came up with something that helped me,I wish you would try another for your depression..I really feel for you Karen please try to get out,call someone to go for pizza...get help,you can't do this all by yourself..I will be thinking about you,David
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hi Woody
thanks for commenting on my article,it took trying over a dozen different medications until they found an anti depressant that helped me,you need help and you need help now,no one can do it for you after you are 18 years old,please talk to a doctor Woody,you are in a very serious state of mind,take care of you,David
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