Can We Ever Take It Back?
by Susan
Most of us who suffer from depression have had problems in our relationships with family members and other loved ones. Sometimes our loved ones are also depressed. I think depression causes us to be more susceptible to anger and hurt. We feel hurt by what we believe are slights......these slights may simply be others stating their opinions or living their lives. Sometimes we lash out in anger. Can we ever take it back?
We can of course, apologize and say we didn't mean it. We can try to help the other person mend their hurt feelings. Or, if an apology isn't in order, we can give it time. Regardless of what we do or don't do, the loved one will probably never forget what we said or did, even after they forgive us. They may even begin to lash out at us.
In my opinion we can take back the words but we can't take back the pain those words caused. We can only hope our loved ones forgive us and continue to have a relationship with us. We've seen them forgive others who caused them prolonged periods of pain, so we have hope.
Lashing out at someone because they caused you pain seems like an effort to cause them pain, even though we are really only expressing ourselves. Too much lashing out could do irreparable damage to the relationship. We can't take back the pain. We can use caution with our words in the future even when we are depressed. Perhaps, realizing that our loved one is also depressed will help us to stop lashing out.
Taking someone else's depression into account when we are hurting is hard to do, but knowing we can't take back the pain we inflict, might help us think carefully before lashing out. There have been occasions when I wish I had thought carefully of the other persons' feelings before I expressed my own. However, like others who are depressed, I have a tendency not to express my feelings until I am hurting and wishing someone could take away the pain.
Posted by ozzieblackcat at 9/21/2008 10:57 AM 
Categories: Relationships, ozzieblackcat, depression, Anger, His and Hers, Family
Categories: Relationships, ozzieblackcat, depression, Anger, His and Hers, Family
What came first, the egg or the chicken?
Alex
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Great comment! Thank you.
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Great insight. And I agree when we are in pain, sometimes it's hard to recognize anything but that.
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Thanks so much for your comment. Susan
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at the age of 50 I finally accepted the fact that I have depression. Now, medicated for it two years later, I wonder why I waited so long to be diagonsed. Thank you so much for this post
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My thanks to you for your comment. I wish you the best. Susan
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Hey Alex, good comment
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So very true the words typed above. We say things in anger but that pain can last such a long time for the person that received our nasty words. I told my 68 year old father I hated him tonight. I'm 43 soon to be 44. We live together and I'm tired of his behavior so I just exploded. He probably is very depressed and has been most of his life. All I could think of was his attitude of that I don't know anything and he knows everything. I said that terrible thing to him and he said I was stupid. We said nasty things to each other which is very juvenile, no doubt. Anyway, I found your website by a google search and I'm enjoying these blogs!
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I'm very glad you found our website and I really appreciate your comments. I wish you the best. Susan
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I don't think you can really take something that was said back at least not totally. In the middle of a depression or BPD episode I was literally aiming for the other persons throat and they knew it. I regretted what I said later and did apologize but in some cases that comment in the moment was the beginning of the end for that particular relationship.
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Thanks so much for sharing a part of your experience as a comment on our blog. Susan and David
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