Teaching Others How to Treat Us
by Susan
Those of us who suffer from anxiety and/or depression know how difficult it is to wait whether it be in a doctor's office, a traffic jam or a line at the grocery store. Most of us usually manage to control our feelings and deal with these frequently occurring problems of waiting. When we are waiting on loved ones and family members it's much harder to understand and therefore deal with our feelings of anxiety. Part of that anxiety includes the fear they may have had an accident.
Believing I have a reasonably good relationship with my adult children is what has caused me to plunge into a deep depression this year following the holidays. After committing to specific days and times on both Thanksgiving and Christmas for several different events, various family members either didn't show up at all, or were very late. Some didn't even bother to call. I guess, believing I have a good relationship with my adult children is a myth. Nary a phone call or an apology. Not even replies to repeated attempts to contact them.
I've decided I'm finished with family gatherings. I have to let go of the myth and recognize that many of my family members have a lack of respect and consideration for me. I hate that they are suffering from their own mental health issues but that doesn't excuse rude behavior. Making people wait for long periods of time, or not showing up at all, is rude and inconsiderate............even if it is just your mom, mother-in-law, or aunt. Failing to call, or even text, makes it twice as hurtful. "What we have here is a failure to communicate" (taken from the Paul Newman movie, Cool Hand Luke)
At times, it felt as though there was a sibling rivalry war going on over who could make everyone else wait the longest. It wasn't fun. I'm sure that must be my paranoia kicking in, but that is how it felt. I really enjoyed preparing for the holidays this year....maybe because somehow I knew it was to be the last one spent with everyone together in the same place at the same time.
I won't allow them to keep me waiting, worrying and stressing like that again. I believe the statement I've heard so many times, " we teach others how to treat us". I need to do more teaching!
Posted by ozzieblackcat at 1/10/2009 10:04 AM 
Categories: Relationships, ozzieblackcat, depression, anxiety, His and Hers, Family
Categories: Relationships, ozzieblackcat, depression, anxiety, His and Hers, Family
I thought I had more of this than
anybodyelse. Just recently, I tried to
make a dental appointment before the
colder weather and was put off with "fullup" for the times that were
convenient for me. I got appointments
that nobodyelse would want--way early
in the morning and as it turned out, the slick risky travel day so I had
to reschedule. If my dentist weren't
supergreat at what he does, I would
definitely change to a dentist closer
to home. Also, even waiting for pizza
delivery has been a trial. I waited for
an hour and a half and finally learned
that my order had been sent to Boliver--miles away. I have not been very
successful in changing anybody, but myself. I may choose to pick up the
pizza rather than go through the
rigamarole. It will depend on how I
feel.
I am a teacher and I really can't
think of a way to teach about being
late. My Dad was always way early
and thought everybodyelse should be
early, too. I could predict when he
would be there. It sort of gave me
a complex, but now that he is gone,
I wouldn't mind hearing him say his
favorite "I knew you were coming by
you being so long about it." It
never made sense to me, but I'm glad
I didn't hurt his feelings. Guilt
would be harder for me to handle than
reliazing that I am patient to a fault.
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You are so right! Guilt is much harder to deal with than waiting for someone. My dad used to say, I had a feeling you were coming today. I'd give anything to hear him say that again. Thanks so much for your comment.
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Susan
I've suffered from depression for over 30 years but I don't have the anxiety you wrote of. This morning I had to wait 30 minutes at the dentist's. That did irate me. I finally told them I would just have to reschedule. They got me right in. I was irritated but not anxious. That just shows you how diverse depression can be.
darrel
www.whydepression.info
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reading this article brought a lot of thoughts going through my head on the same feelings of anxiety. People do not understand how much they put us through when they do these things. Thank you for letting me not feel alone in this deparment.
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You are fortunate not to have anxiety with your depression. For me and many others the two go hand in hand. Thanks so much for your comment. I'm sorry to read that you also suffer from depression and have for many years.
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Thanks so much for reading this blog and for your kind comment.
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I think the best way to teach them is to treat them how you want them to treat you.
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I feel your pain and aggravation and I am sorry. For 20 years I've been trying to get my family to visit me, but they have one excuse or another even though they are all within a 50 mile radius of me. They never invite me to visit them. Some of them pass through my town every summer on their way to their vacation places, but never stop in to visit me. I've given up on them and have finally accepted they don't want me in their lives.
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I won't allow them to keep me waiting, worrying and stressing like that again. I believe the statement I've heard so many times, " we teach others how to treat us". I need to do more teaching!
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