Time For Yourself
My therapist used to tell me, "make time for yourself". It was good advice, especially since I had four kids between the ages of 2 and 16. Actually, I think it's good advice for everyone. It's often difficult to make time for yourself when you have to consider the needs of other family members. Sometimes our relationships make it difficult to have time alone.
My husband and I are senior citizens and probably spend way too much time together. It was very difficult for me to adjust to his retirement several years ago because he spends most of his time at home. I was usually a stay at home mom and was accustomed to having lots of time to myself after the kids were grown. Now, if I want time alone, I have to leave the house. It still doesn't feel right.....but I've accepted it.
I think our relationships sometimes depend on our ability to accept change. Change has often been difficult for me because it causes me a great deal of anxiety. I still feel anxiety on a daily basis because I still crave time for myself and time at home alone. You can't really ask someone you love to just go away for a while. I think we can encourage others to take time for themselves and if they will do that, we might just end up with a bit of time alone. I hope so!
Posted by ozzieblackcat at 4/5/2009 2:45 PM 
Categories: family, depression, relationships, mental health
Tags: ozzieblackcat depression blog mental health senior citizens His and Hers
Categories: family, depression, relationships, mental health
Tags: ozzieblackcat depression blog mental health senior citizens His and Hers
Oh my! This is a good one! I immediately sat down to write a response. If you managed to get through those years with the 2 yr old and three others through l6, I think
you proved yourself. How exciting it
would be to have all that going on. It
would be fun to read what they remember
about having the two year old when they
were so busy with school. AND that 2
year old got to have time alone with
you after the others were out of school. I had only one child, but I
miss the wonderful times when I could
see the world through his eyes going
to the Smithsonian, or watching him
discover which motivated me to find materials that he was so eager to learn about. I didn't have time to
be depressed, but later as I look back
I miss hearing him ask me to give him
multplication problems as we were making the bed and I even enjoyed it
when he got older and tried to find
things I might not know--even when
he played his trumpet better than I
played mine, he would get so tickled,
he would almost choke. Those were
such happy times. Then when I started
teaching, each first day of school, I
could see things I could do to motivate
those particular children so they could
write books or plays in
a safe environment and get oral experience. I was shy growing up and
it takes just the right situations to
build self-confidence and not to be
afraid of your own voice. I needed
naps and sometimes a whole weekend to
be ready to go again. My dad worked
in a big school in St. Louis County
and I would learn so much just from
seeing the classrooms (w/live chickens)
and all the bulletin boards. My mother
was a first grade teacher and we all had fun gathering leaves for a science
project or participating in some art
project she thought up for her classroom.
You are right about getting used
to changes. When my son went away
to college, my world changed. Luckily
I was still teaching and on weekends
we had dance classes. I had always
wanted to learn to dance, but I didn't
think it would ever happen. My son wore
size l3 shoes, but he learned, too. I
practiced and practiced and sometimes,
I would see how all the dances fit together and I would feel confident
and at other times, I felt like I was
back at square one so I could help
others who were going through the same
thing and they would say how much
dancing had changed their lives.
I was only depressed after I would
drive my son to the airport at 5:00 in
the morning and have to drive home alone to that empty house with all the
reminders. Even colorful balloons in
the morning sky could not lift my spirits.
Through it all, I still had a very
large musical family and we sang together and I enjoyed my sister's
high school musicals. I like time
alone, but not too much. The
together times lift me to new heights,
but springtime, flowers, and friends do too.
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It was an exciting but also a stressful time when I had all four kids at home. The older kids helped with the little one when they were available. They also teased him a lot. Sometimes it was hard juggling everyone's activities while making sure the little one got his naps. I really went through a lot of 'empty nest syndrome' when each of my kids left home. Thanks so much for your comment! Susan
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I know this may sound funny but if there is any craft that you and your husband might be interested in doing together, it gives both of you time alone once you get into doing it. You get so involved in working on something that you get into your own little world, even side by side. For instance wall plaques or yard signs...he can do the "manly" part of cutting out and sanding and you can do the painting and decorating and both get a satisfaction of creating together, yet seperately. You never need to leave the house to be alone
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