His and Hers Depression Blog

Empathize With Loved Ones

ozzieblackcat — 2010-06-03T14:45:00Z

Have you ever expressed your dismay about something to a friend or loved one only to see that they just don't get it? They can't understand why you would possibly feel the way you do. They can't empathize with you. In my opinion, being able to empathize with a loved one is very important when it comes to maintaining a caring relationship.

Friends and family members need to learn to put themselves in our shoes for a few minutes so they can understand how we are feeling. It's a big disappointment to us when they can't do that. Sometimes they not only can't seem to understand but they tell us we are wrong to feel the way we do. This can cause relationships to crumble and friendships to fall by the wayside if it happens too often. We don't need our friends and family members to be our counselors but we do need them to understand as much as possible.

I was finally motivated to blog again when this happened to me.....again....with one of my loved ones. She not only can't empathize but often just changes the subject or disappears. I think I've gotten the message loud and clear that she isn't a part of my supportive group of people. I find I still want her to be and I know I will go talk to the wall again someday. I fear that says something negative about me....an unwillingness to accept the way things are....maybe? Relationships sure are difficult sometimes!

How to Deal if Depression Runs in Your Family

ozzieblackcat — 2010-05-20T00:32:00Z

Once again I am featuring a guest writer on this blog. I hope you will find her article helpful. Hopefully I'll be back to writing again soon. Susan

Depression, as most of us who have either directly experienced it or have known someone who has, can have an absolutely devastating effect for all involved. It becomes even more of a problem when two or more family members suffer from depression, simply because as someone who is depressed, you want to be around as many positive influences as possible.

The sad fact of the matter is that depression is indeed genetically passed down, and it isn't at all uncommon for immediate family members to be simultaneously affected. And so, there is no need to feel alone in the event that you are in such a position. Other than seeking help from a trusted medical professional and trying your best to balance your lifestyle with healthy eating, sleeping, and exercising patterns, there are specific steps you can take to make sure that your family dynamic remains stable and nurturing.

1. Remember that dealing with depression is a team effort.

If you in addition to one or more family members is affected by depression, you must remember that family is a source of help and support, not the opposite. Sometimes it will fall upon the people without depression to act as mediators, but this role can only go so far. Acceptance, awareness, and understanding are key components in living peacefully among a family plagued by depression.

2. Spend some time outside of the family dynamic.

Since depression can often be an overwhelming experience for a single individual, the symptoms can be exacerbated if several people living together are experiencing the same thing. It is important to spend some time apart, in the company of different social groups, in order to get different perspectives. These perspectives can go a long way in helping you bring more positive attitudes to the table when you return home to spend time with the family.

3. Shared depression isn't necessarily a bad thing.

A shared experience can sometimes be a source of empathy and commiseration. From my own experience, two of my best friends have been diagnosed with depression, and it helps a lot to be among people who understand what the other is going through. Since mental disorders are so commonly isolating, it is really difficult to explain to those who aren't suffering themselves.

These steps are in no way intended to replace advice from a medical professional. If you or any of your family members or friends display symptoms of depression, it is best to seek out a psychiatrist immediately. However, these steps can perhaps serve the purpose of giving additional support and insight. Remember—you and your family are not alone in suffering.

By-line:

This guest post is contributed by Kitty Holman, who writes on the topics of Online Nursing Schools . She welcomes your comments at her email Id: kitty.holman20@gmail.com

Grumpy People

ozzieblackcat — 2010-03-18T13:53:00Z

Some people are just naturally grumpy. Everyone who is in close contact with grumpy people is affected by them. One grumpy person can have a huge influence on family members and relationships. After years of living with a grumpy person you can usually take them in stride as seen in the movie "On Golden Pond". It takes a lot of time and practice. Another person's grumpiness can be very frustrating and interfere with your own mental health. I think those of us who are prone to depression and anxiety have more difficulty taking things in stride and we might easily over react to someone's grumpy disposition.

I'm a senior citizen and often hear younger people refer to an older relative as grumpy. Some people associate grumpiness with getting older. Are there a lot of grumpy senior citizens? I suppose health problems and getting older in general could cause some senior citizens to become grumpy. However, there are many people who are grumpy most of their lives. I have a feeling you could explain to a habitually grumpy person how their grumpy attitude affects others but it would probably cause a very defensive response.

It's hard emotional work dealing with grumpy people on a day to day basis. Before you start, make sure you have your own depression and anxiety under control. Feeling good yourself is a requirement for success when co-existing with the grumpy people. Be sure not to allow their grumpiness to overcome your positive attitude.

Coping with Loss

ozzieblackcat — 2010-02-14T21:43:00Z

Coping with loss can be difficult regardless of what kind of loss we are trying to handle. We can be trying to cope with a broken relationship, a lost job or a financial loss. We can also be dealing with the death of a loved one. In January we lost my husband's 96 year old mother to kidney failure. It has been a difficult time for both of us but especially for my husband. He loved his mom deeply.

According to Wikipedia.com there are five stages of grief that should never be rushed. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I don't think these stages have clear margins as all of these feelings seem to be overlapping already. For those of us who normally suffer from depression, the margins are even less clear as our depression will probably continue through each stage.

I wonder where anxiety fits into these stages. Anxiety is something my husband and I are both dealing with as we go through the grief stages. Maybe it's the same kind of anxiety many of us have when there are changes of any kind in our lives. This anxiety has taken many forms including nightmares and over eating. Hopefully as we cope with the loss we will move past this anxiety.

I remember when my dad passed away in 1990 and my mom in 1999 . I thought I would never recover from those losses and reach the acceptance stage. I did. Acceptance sounds as though it should feel okay. Acceptance feels sad to me. I doubt the sadness ever leaves us. I believe my experience in coping with loss is helping me to help my husband now. I guess that's a good thing.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Why Holiday Stress Happens and How to Prevent It

ozzieblackcat — 2010-01-07T15:42:43Z

The following is a post written by a guest writer. I hope to be back writing soon. Please enjoy her article and let her know that you did. Her contact information is listed at the bottom of the article.

Why Holiday Stress Happens and How to Prevent It

We take vacations because we need to unwind and de-stress; but more often than not, holidays today are turning out to be sources of stress rather than relievers of it. We come back to work feeling tense and nervous, not relaxed and rejuvenated as we’re supposed to. So why have vacations become the stressful experiences they are today? Why do we feel more stress after we return than before we left? The reasons are varied, but the most common among them are:

• Pending work: If you take off on a holiday with work pending, your mind is not as free as it should be when on vacation. You keep thinking of the work that must be done when you get back and you don’t enjoy your vacation as much as you should. What’s more, if the work is complicated and difficult, your mind works in overdrive thinking of the ways and methods you must adopt to tackle the task.

One way to prevent stress relating to pending work is to finish the work before you go. And if that is not possible, then learn to relax your mind and forget about the work that is waiting for you when you get back. Don’t take the office on vacation with you. You know you’re going to break your head over work when your vacation is over, so why worry over it during your holiday too?

• Too much food and too little exercise: Most of us tend to overeat during vacations, irrespective of whether we’re on a diet or not. We think that vacations are meant to eat and relax, and so they are. But when the food gets too much for your body, you begin to get lethargic and lazy. While this state of mind and body is ok as long as you’re on vacation, it is not conducive to the work environment. And when you get back to the office and have to shift gears straight into overdrive from idling, your body and mind are stressed out. You’re unable to adjust to the pace of the workplace and you start to feel the tension creep in.

To avoid stress related to food and inactivity, temper your appetite when on vacation. And if you must eat, at least ensure that you expend a little energy by taking the occasional walk or going for a swim in the pool or the ocean. And a day or two before it’s time to return, prepare your mind to get back to work so that you can ease into the hectic workplace environment with relative ease.

• Too much fun: Vacations are meant to be fun times with lots of happiness and laughter. But when you enjoy yourself too much, you find that coming back to your normal routine is a sort of letdown, and you feel a bit depressed and out of sorts for a few days. You keep thinking of your vacation and resenting your mundane life and this causes a certain amount of stress.

To get over this kind of stress, give yourself time to get back to normal. Yes, there will be a hangover of sorts when you feel out of place in your regular environment. But this passes within a day or two and you’re soon back to the daily grind with your usual flair. So enjoy your vacation, and make sure you enjoy work even more when you get back.

This post is written by Susan White, who writes on the topic of Becoming a Radiologist . She welcomes your comments at her email id: susan.white33@gmail.com.

Addicted to Facebook

ozzieblackcat — 2009-12-06T18:42:00Z

I can't believe it's been over a month since I wrote anything on this blog. I have one reason why and it is my addiction to Facebook. Whenever I get on the computer I can't seem to stay away from this social website. It's so much fun to see what my friend and relatives are posting and I'm making new friends each and every day. This seems to be great for my mental health.

I've reconnected with old friends and people I haven't seen for years. We send tokens of affection back and forth such as hearts, flowers, smiles and now....Christmas cards. It's fun having these relationships online. I also use Facebook to promote myAvon Representativewebsite.

The think about Facebook that I am most addicted to however is farming. Farmville and Farmtown are my favorite farming applications and I love everything about them. I have plenty of farming neighbors to send gifts back and forth to. We send each other cow, pigs, trees, flowers and all sorts of items. Right now we can send each other Christmas trees and other holiday items to decorate our farms. If you want to play an easy and ongoing game check these out. I can play away my stress and relax on Facebook.

Well, now you know why I'm less depressed lately and I hope you're happy for me. I'll try to continue to write on this blog and keep you up to date with my state of mind. It's an ever changing state of mind depending on the weather, time of year and my relationships with my family. Now I'd best get to planting some more crops. ha!

Dreary Weather....Again

ozzieblackcat — 2009-10-29T20:31:00Z

We're having another dreary day here in Southwest Missouri.  Yesterday was beautiful and it seemed like the whole town was out enjoying the sunshine. Today, once again, we are engulfed in gloomy, rainy weather. The month of October has been the wettest and coolest on record in our area. That's hard on a person's mental health, especially when prone to depression.

Many of my family members have been sick the past few weeks. Hubby and I have had our turns with various bugs too. So far, none of us has gotten the H1N1 virus. Anyway, relationships suffer when it's gloomy and people are sick, because we try to avoid passing the germs around. We've practiced isolationism to the point that we've had 'cabin fever' in October!

Our weatherman is predicting plenty of sunshine the first week of November and we're all looking forward to it.
Happy Halloween!!!

Online Friends

ozzieblackcat — 2009-10-21T17:07:00Z

I've made some good online friends over the past several years. I've come to treasure some of these relationships and hope to continue to make new friends online. My online friends are often very instrumental when it comes to chasing away the blues.  I can usually count on them to listen when I need to talk and give a few words of comfort when I need it. I hope I do the same for them.

The state of my mental health (depression) depends a lot on my relationships and how well I am getting along with friends and family. I've found it helps a lot to stay in touch on Facebook enjoying light hearted sharing with each other.  I also interact with the readers of this blog as well as those who make comments on my Avon review blog.

Sometimes I discover really interesting or talented people while socializing online. One recent discovery is the artistry of Declan Kirwan, a fellow Facebook member.   He has pictures of his work posted on his pages and I ordered some of his hand crafted Christmas cards. I received them this week and am amazed at how pretty they are.....three dimensional too!   I will be proud to mail my cards this holiday season. If anyone is interested in having a look you can find me or Declan online at Facebook.

I invite you to interact with me on either of my blogs or at Facebook. Online friends often turn out to be a real blessing!

Free Happier Tests!

ozzieblackcat — 2009-10-15T14:51:00Z

I recently came across a new website with a different twist on depression. It's called Happier. Instead of focusing on the things that make us depressed and trying to overcome those negative feelings, this site focuses on doing things that make you happier.

The happier.com website launched on September 23, 2009 and is designed to help people not just be happier but “do happier.” This innovative website provides online tools and exercises for users to make an immediate positive impact on their lives. The website allows users to participate by taking 4 free validated tests with instant feedback on strengths, optimism, happiness and positivity. More than 100 exclusive videos from the world’s leading happiness researchers and practitioners are also included in this section of the site.

Premium users can subscribe for just $5 a month for access to more than a dozen research-backed tools customized to increase happiness, resilience, optimism, engagement, and meaning. The founders worked closely with positive psychology experts, including Martin E.P. Seligman, an exclusive consultant who is the “father of positive psychology” and a noted professor from the University of Pennsylvania. Dr. Seligman is the best-known author, teacher and researcher in the field of positive psychology. His work spans 30 years, 200 articles, and books in over 20 languages.

Happier is something most of us would love to be so I would suggest having a look at this new website. I sure liked what I saw!

Deadly Downpour

ozzieblackcat — 2009-10-10T15:50:00Z

Southwest Missouri had a deluge of rain for two days this week. It proved to be a deadly downpour for three of our high school students. They were driving home from school in the middle of a terrible downpour, going down a hill. Their car hydroplaned, sliding sideways into oncoming traffic. All three teens were pronounced dead on the scene. Our community is mourning their loss. An article detailing the accident can be found on KY3's news website.

I've no idea how the families of these children will ever face another stormy day. I am blessed that my four adult children are healthy and have good relationships with me. My heart goes out to the families of these children who were taken so quickly that terrible, rainy afternoon.