His and Hers Depression Blog

Battling Depression With Baby Steps

ozzieblackcat — 2012-02-04T19:59:11Z

I'm doing a little better now. It always seems to me that I battle depression by taking baby steps towards feeling better. It's been difficult to deal with family relationships lately because not one person in the family wants to talk about what happened between my older sister and myself. I have to do all my talking to myself. Now that sounds like a crazy person for sure. lol

I think the recovery process takes longer when not one person who was involved in the mayhem wants to be involved in the healing now. Pretending nothing happened and going on about our business is the method that has always been used in my family of origin. I personally hate that method and believe it only causes bad feelings to fester.

Taking baby steps and sharing my feelings with my husband have both been helpful.  One of the steps I have taken is to focus my attention on my Dad's journal. I've been typing it one page at a time and sharing it on the family Website for all the relatives to see. Most of them didn't know he had even written a journal. I've been enjoying this project and it is helping me to heal. I believe one family member is sending the documents to my sister who was banned from the site...and that's okay.

I've felt sad about banning her and would take her back in a minute if she ever wants to talk with me about our differences.  I couldn't let her continue to treat me with disrespect on the family site though. Overall, the family site is a farce. People aren't interested in sharing their lives with each other. The younger folks enjoyed reading the memories of the older ones and everyone enjoys the pictures a few of us have posted.  However, participation by most members is very low....and always has been.

It's not healthy when a 65 year old person is still upset by members of their family of origin. You would think by now, I would be able block their words and actions from hurting me. I'll never forget something my Dad said to me when I was a teen.   I had complained to him about something my sisters said or did and his response was, "you know how your sisters are". To this day I still know....but still wish it wasn't so.

Depression, a Battle Again!

ozzieblackcat — 2012-01-18T15:32:05Z

I wonder if it's just this time of year that has me fighting the battle of depression again. I know the holidays are famous for people being depressed but my worst time is after they are over. It's probably because the weather gets cold and I have a tendency to get sick. I'm plagued with sinus infections. It also gets lonesome.

Since I booted my older sister from the family site, I've felt really sad that once again our relationship bombed. I don't think it's possible for her to like me. A number of people said, "good" when I told them she was gone. It was obvious how hateful she was being. I'm sure many think otherwise and I still feel like crawling back in my hole but here I am.

I've been studying my Dad's journal. He wrote it in the '80's and I've had it all this time. He passed away in 1990. I have read bits and pieces over the years but never really delved into it much....it was too painful. It's still painful, but now I'm not only reading it but posting it for my brother, remaining two sisters and other relatives to see. This is probably not helping my depression but it feels like something I need to do right now. He sure loved his family!

I feel much love for my family and that is always what gets me through these really bad bouts of depression. Right now knowing my son will be over later today, or knowing I'll see my granddaughter this weekend are great things that motivate me to get up and do something. I've been gaining weight and really hope I will manage to motivate myself to do something about that soon.

I really think motivation is the key to winning the battle against depression. I'm trying hard to muster up my motivation this time.

When Things Go From Bad to Worse

ozzieblackcat — 2012-01-12T19:06:39Z

Sometimes, just when you think things are going pretty badly, they get worse. That's when a person feels like crawling under the covers and never coming out. That's what has happened while I've tried to deal with my sisters. Life was easier when I wasn't dealing with them.

I may have told you this some time ago. I have five sisters. One I haven't heard from in about 10 years and I don't even know where she is. I've tried to send Christmas cards to an old address but they come back. Another sister rarely communicates at all...a note every few months. Two of the other three are great people and I've had good relationships with them in the past...with the exception of the times there was interference by the third sister. That third sister is the only one who is older than I am. She continues to be a bully, even on our family website.

Yesterday I banned her from the site and I feel terrible about it. I fear I've made myself feel sadder about our relationship than she was making me feel. I was the cause of things going from bad to worse!!! Now that's hard to face. However, I don't feel as anxious and depressed as I did and that's a little hard to understand....maybe I now feel a little bit of control over a bad situation. Maybe writing about it here has helped me.

New Year, Same Old Depression

ozzieblackcat — 2012-01-06T02:00:13Z

Happy New Year everyone!

I haven't written for quite a while because I wasn't feeling depressed. Now that the holidays are over, the same old depression is trying to seep back into my days. I'm resisting the best I can. How are all of you doing fighting off depression?

I feel very fortunate to have this blog and so many faithful followers. I appreciate you! I also need to try and appreciate myself. That sounds strange but...it's something I find difficult to do all the time and even more so when I get the blues.

I have family members who frequently talk about their accomplishments. I don't understand how they are able to do that. After I've heard or read plenty of that, I start wondering what I might say about my accomplishments. I wonder getting out of bed and making it through another day, or managing not to eat all the chocolate at once, would impress anyone.

Recently, I did a good thing for my extended family. I started a family group website so that we could all communicate and share pictures.  Several of my sisters wanted a family site but they didn't know how to accomplish it. I was able to set it up and I felt a sense of accomplishment. Even more recently, this good thing that I did has turned into my worst nightmare!  My sisters are cruel and their cruelty is usually directed at me. It's causing me a lot of stress and increased depression just dealing with them again.

I guess there was a lot to be said for the "isolationism" I had been practicing for the past several years. I don't really want to return to that but this emotional pain is very difficult. Thank you for reading this. I hope I haven't been too much of a whiner. I would appreciate any feedback you can give me.

Sunshine Cheers Me Up!

ozzieblackcat — 2011-04-01T15:30:00Z

Today the sun is shining and I feel better! It's going to look and feel like Spring on this April Fools Day. I have made plans to get out of the house and go visit my brother, David. He used to write articles on this blog...thus the His and Hers title.

Our local weatherman is predicting a nice Spring like weekend and I plan to spend some of it outside. Maybe those pansies will get planted as well as some of my perennials from the old place. How I love gardening in the Spring. I know when the weather gets hot though, I won't be able to do much out there. For now I need to make a plan and "just do it!" Do I really need approval? NO. I do need for my critic to go somewhere so I can do my thing in peace. Maybe I can think up an errand that will take all day.

Well, I've been rambling and I hope you don't mind. Wish me luck with my depression today.

Take Your Own Advice

ozzieblackcat — 2011-03-30T23:58:00Z

Here I am again.....blogging in an effort to make myself feel better. Have you ever noticed that you have good ideas and advice for depressed friends and relatives but can't seem to help yourself? Well, maybe it's time we take our own advice.

I usually have good suggestions for those who are having a hard time with depression, stress or anxiety. my ideas range from seeking professional help to taking a walk outside to patting yourself on the back. I guess I'm weighing my options right now and am trying to decide what idea would be most helpful to me this time. I've done all of the "advised" things at one time or another in my life. Are we supposed to keep doing them forever?

I have hopes that my spirits will improve dramatically when the weather finally does. This has been one of the longest and dreariest Winters and early Springs that I've ever experienced here in Southwest Missouri. Sunshine has been scarce and we've had way too much rain and snow.

When the weather is decent I will need to figure out where to put the perennials I brought here from our old house. I feel like I don't know where to start, even though this yard is very small compared to what we had. Have I lost my confidence? Yes, I think so. It's easy to do when someone else gripes about your abilities and choices and shows no interest in what you want to do.

I bought two six packs of happy looking pansies the other day and they are waiting for me on the front porch. Maybe soon I can get out there to put them in a pot in the sunshine. Maybe......

Depressed Again!

ozzieblackcat — 2011-03-24T15:31:00Z

I'm really depressed again after a short reprieve from the angry beast. I guess it's time for me to start blogging again because I believe it helps. Please bear with me as I try to work through my problems in public. I hope I can do this, anyway.

We moved in November and we've fought a lot ever since the move.....well, prior to the move and during the move too. It's been a difficult adjustment for both of us. The holidays were hard because holidays are just hard even if you haven't just moved. Our occasional Spring like day has been helpful and I'm hoping for more of that.

Today however, it is chilly and dreary. I didn't want to get out of bed. I know I need help when I have lots of interesting things to do but am not motivated to do any of them. One of my biggest problems is the feeling that I don't know where to start. If I could just make myself start then I know I would become enthused about whatever I undertook.

Maybe writing on this blog again is the start I need. I sure hope so. I appreciate all the comments my readers have made and I hope you will continue reading and commenting.

Three Ways Yoga Reduces Stress and Anxiety

ozzieblackcat — 2011-02-18T15:35:00Z

Here is a guest post for you to enjoy. It is written by one of my online friends, Maria Rainer. I took yoga classes for approximately two years and can tell you that yoga really does help a lot with one's anxiety level.

Yoga does more than help your balance, core fitness and flexibility - it helps to reduce anxiety and relieve stress. With the hustle and bustle of today’s society, it’s normal for people to stress about life, money, work, family and whatever else causes daily anxiety. Yoga relieves and reduces stress in three ways:

1. Through regulated inhaling and exhaling breaths. As you inhale, you're sending more oxygen to the brain, which stimulates your nervous system. Exhaling helps regulate this process and releases toxins from your bloodstream, helping your body relax. The double leg raise and certain yoga breaths like alternative nostril breathing are great ways to send oxygen to the brain and circulation to your body thus reducing stress levels.

2. Meditation and relaxation helps you find your center and focus, while using your regulated breaths to relax the mind. Once the mind is relaxed, you're able to transfer your relaxation to the rest of your body while meditating and focusing on this process. Meditation helps you focus on quieting the mind and finding your inner strength when stressful situations arise.

3. Through regulated breathing and meditation, you're able to focus and block out outside noises while focusing on your inner self and your inner strength. This aspect of yoga is also vital for focusing on your breathing and meditation. This may be one of the harder aspects of yoga to grasp – being able to focus and not become distracted with inner thoughts and outside noise. Focus and lack thereof is a major contributor to daily stress; with so much going on, we can struggle to focus on accomplishing one task before we can complete another.

Once you've mastered the aspects of breathing, meditation and focusing through yoga, you're able to calm your nervous system, relax your mind and block out outside noises, which are all contributors of stress.

Bio: Maria Rainier is a freelance writer and blog junkie. She is currently a resident blogger at First in Education, researching various online degree programs and blogging about student life. In her spare time, she enjoys square-foot gardening, swimming, and avoiding her laptop.

Thank You

ozzieblackcat — 2010-11-27T13:38:00Z

Today I'd like to dedicate this blog to all of my readers and say Thank You for your continued support. I really appreciate you and all of your comments too. This morning I finally had a chance to read and approve a number of comments that had been made during our recent move. I apologize for taking so long in getting them posted here on the blog.

I sincerely hope all of you had a good Thanksgiving Day and are still enjoying the holiday weekend. We are still in the moving process but I'm very grateful to have our computers hooked up and working again. A week without computers, phones or television wouldn't have been much fun if we hadn't been so busy. I imagine we'll be trying to find a place for everything and settling in all winter.

Again, thank you all for reading this blog and for returning again and again to see what's new. I hope to write soon about the roller coaster of depression and anxiety and fatigue I've had during our moving process......so be sure and check back with His and Hers.

The Link Between Stress and Depression

ozzieblackcat — 2010-11-07T12:43:00Z

I'm happy to offer you another guest post. This one is written by Guy Brandon, a counselor and writer, as well as the founder of StressingOut.org.

Stress serves an important purpose: it prepares your body for action in order to keep itself out of danger. But unfortunately, the kinds of challenges we experience today aren’t always best solved by that kind of decisive physical behavior. The result, if stress continues, can be a host of mental and physical problems, including depression.

What is stress?

Stress results from many different situations , but the form it takes is generally the same. That’s because stress never developed to help us to cope with the demands of the modern world – high workloads, relationship problems, money worries, problem colleagues and difficult commutes. In its evolutionary context, stress is our body’s mental and physical response to a direct, immediate threat. Its job is to enable us to take typically one of two simple behaviors: fight or flight.

That’s why we experience stress the way we do. Our heart rate rises and we start to breath faster, to supply oxygen to the muscles. We sweat, to cool our bodies from the coming exertion. We may feel cold, or nauseous, as blood is directed away from the stomach to more essential areas. A cascade of hormones makes us more alert and faster to react. Essentially, it’s a one-size-fits-all response to a threat. That means we can feel much the same symptoms whether we are physically challenged – perhaps by a mugger, or less directly and intentionally by a careless driver – or threatened emotionally or mentally.

Changing the way we think

Stress has mental and physical effects. As well as preparing the body for action, it alters the way we think. Our thinking becomes polarized, black-and-white, or ‘all or nothing’ as psychologists call it – enabling us to take fast and decisive action to deal with the potential threat.

When the threat genuinely is physical – that car that pulls out in front of you without warning, or an unexpected noise in the house you thought was otherwise empty – then that makes good sense. But in the more nuanced situations that we more regularly find ourselves in, this kind of all-or-nothing thinking doesn’t tend to do us any favors. Relationships, tricky work situations and the like demand a more measured response than the immediate quick-fixes that stress evolved to help us deal with.

Unfortunately, when a stressful situation goes on for a long time, so do the changes in our thought patterns. We become more anxious and irritable, more impulsive and less flexible in our thinking. We are harder on ourselves, because – in its original context – stress demands that we have to be: it’s what keeps us safe. Stress forces us to think in terms of do/do not; at risk/safe; pass/fail. If the source of stress is still present, then we self-evidently haven’t succeeded in keeping ourselves out of danger. One consequence is that we become far more prone to depression, as our failures are implicitly emphasized over and over as the source of the stress remains unchecked.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and other techniques can be useful in overcoming this unhelpful way of thinking, but essentially, it’s worth remembering that stress is often our body’s best – but ultimately inappropriate and unhelpful – attempt to deal with a bad situation.

StressingOut.org, is a website providing self-help resources for stress, depression, anxiety and related conditions.